Man, am I ever [fucking] drained! The past few weeks have been so busy and there’s been so much going on in all aspects of my life, that I feel that I just can’t keep up, but I have to keep plugging away. Not because I want to – I would definitely love to just drop everything for a couple weeks and do nothing but hang out with the family and play video games. Starting Thursday, June 30 at 8pm right through until Monday, June 18 – that’s exactly what I’ll going to be doing. For the first time in the 5 years I’ve been at Much, I’ve booked a significant amount of time off to do absolutely nothing. Well, that’s not entirely true. We have a trip to MI setup to visit Mom for a weekend, but that’s about it. I’m in serious need of some extended ‘Matt time’.

I’ve been doing the same thing for 5 years now. 5 years of mounting stress and frustration. Long days made even longer by traffic jams and late nights in front of this screen. A constant feeling that I’m missing out due to the majority of my life being devoted to work. 5 years and still no ‘pay off’. I’ve definitely progressed in this time, but not enough. I still live in the same apartment and am paying off the same debts month after month, pay cheque to pay cheque.

I’m not really one for signs. But I must admit, there’s been some strange stuff happening lately. A couple times a week for the past month or so, the highway I take home has been closed at the same spot – forcing me to take an alternate route which takes about twice as long. Twice in the past month, I’ve restarted my computer when I came home from work and the CMOS settings have been reset – so it wouldn’t boot up. Just yesterday, every fan speed in my car except 5, stopped working. The rear speakers in my car have started crackling which means they’ll need replacing soon. All of these things factor into my every day routine. It seems like things are crashing down all around me to prevent me from continuing down this path. Either that, or to make things more difficult and ensure that I’m truly miserable.

To that, I say a big ‘fuck you!’ I work hard – really hard! I put everything I have into everything I do.

If things are only going to get harder on this road, I think it might be time I take a detour. I just hope I don’t miss my exit.


Comments

That seriously sucks the bag. I am one for signs, and I think things will turn around for you. Only because you reconize that it has to change, and your missing out. It amazes me though how much I see in life, things get really, really bad and hard for awhile, and then things get wicked. Why do you have to go through the suck before the wicked? It’s not fair, life lessons I suppose, live and learn. The question is, what have you learned and where is that now going to take you? Think about what you really want out of life, and why you had to go through this, in order to get what you deserve.

Yeah, change is good Matt. I was losing my mind at my last job and I finally quit. Money is a litle tighter, and I find myself having to work harder know, but you know what, I happier…

No worries brother, you’ll pull through

Thanks for the kind words. I really appreciate your support. Things have already starting turning around. Not because I just sat here and let waited for it to happen. I’m doing things and taking steps towards making changes to make my situation better.

I just glanced up – on the top of my desk I have this little stone plaque that reads "Some pursue happiness – others create it". And there’s no better time than now to really take those words to heart.