Anxiety Much?
Sunday, April 15th, 2007
Perhaps the area I struggle with most as a freelance designer - balancing my work load and finding time for all of the management stuff as well. No matter how much time I allot for replying to emails, following up on leads and the daily project management type stuff… it’s never enough. There is literally beads of sweat on my forehead as I type this, and it’s not because it’s hot in here. Apparently, I’ve got some anxiety issues.
Over the weekend, I spent a good 10-12 hours taking care of those tasks that I never seem to have time for. I should be feeling great right about now, but my right leg is bouncing a mile a minute as my mind ignores the beautiful orchestral score that is the Morrowind soundtrack.
It’s fuckin’ strange, it really is. I’ve been fully expecting a sense of accomplishment to kick in after each task I complete and in turn, as my to-do list gets narrowed down. But for whatever reason, it just isn’t happening! Instead, I keep going over everything that’s left on my plate and what the coming week holds.
What’s really weird, is that even when my mind is racing as it is. I’ll be able to sleep just fine. Which I should be thankful for, no doubt. But does that even make sense? Some times I’ll hit the pillow and think to myself, “If I don’t stop thinking about all of this, I”ll never get to… ZZZzzz.”
As messed up as I feel right now, I’m more at ease than I would be if I wasn’t organized. I can’t even imagine handling all that I do without the help of Basecamp, Blinksale and now Highrise. If there’s one thing I love about all of those apps, it’s the ability to post something and let it slip your mind. Whether it be sending off an invoice, posting a milestone or adding a task to follow up on an email in a few days - I’d seriously be in trouble if I didn’t have them.
Hmmm, I’ve tried to wrap this up three times now unsuccessfully. How about I just say “fuck” and we call it a night? 
15 people have had something to contribute so far.
Sounds like how I am….. I can only say that my way of relaxing is by watching my favorites shows at night. But just the show and the show alone.
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Dude, it’s the exact same thing for me except it may be with less work and stress with other things in life, but still the same (i mean, I sleep fine). life rocks huh?
hang in there man, i’ll all work out.
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Thats what the book “Getting things done” is all about, off load all the crap you have to do in a easy to use system so you can devote your thoughts to your work. Having that stuff clanking around in your head just slows you down.
Dude seriously, take some time off - and get away from that computer! My mini road trip last week made a huge difference, thanks for the day of gaming btw:P
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Hey Matt
Long time no speak! I feel your pain man, I have put in so many 17hr days in the last year it is just stupid. I am still learning the value of what I do and a while ago I realised I need to raise my rates so that I have more time to try and stay organised + grow my business.
I contantly have the feeling of “shit I still have stuff to do…” but I keep on going and am getting there. I tried to read getting things done but have never gone all the way through it. The one thing I definitely took away from the bits I have read is the 2 minute rule.
If it can be done in less than 2 minutes, do it! The whole book is about decluttering your head so that you can process stuff properly.
My thoughts are with you man, take it easy, have some time out and I’ll hopefully be in again soon. My feed reading and blogging have taken a minor nose dive since I went full time working for myself. Worth it though!
Take it easy
Alan
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I feel ya. This is one of the biggest plus’ to working at an agency (and the reason I freakin’ love it). No dealing with all that ‘other’ crap, you just get to sit and do what you love.
Also no trying to explain to clients why you have to charge such a premium (as clients automatically multiply your hourly by 40 to get your weekly salary).
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Sorry to hear you’re so stressed. I guess it comes with the territory of having your own business, though. How’s the search for help going? Maybe hiring/working with others will lessen the stress/work load.
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I must agree with BPAndrew - take some time off! I often find myself starring at those todos, but never can seem to get started…
It was really bad the time I had a job at night, the days after I could never get my mind together … I found that those days I shouldn´t, so I did everything else.
About the sleep I envy you - right now I´m developing a product with some friends of mine, and I just can´t get it out of my head at night…
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Yo man just think of the most important things in life the rest really doesn’t matter. I mean work, your always gonna have work to so don’t bother getting stress out about it cause its always gonna be there. You only live once enjoy it.
P.s if you need some help with the workload i be more than happy to.
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@Joe: Totally - I can easily get my mind off things temporarily. But as soon as the movie is over, or I’m done gaming, etc. I immediately think about work.
@BPAndrew: Yeah, I’ve been putting off reading GTD for ages. I actually purchased the audiobook over a year ago as I hardly have time for reading - or the will to, anyway. But I never managed to get to that either.
I’m afraid time off just isn’t an option. How can I take time off when I have so much to do already?
@Alan: Indeed, it has been a while. I added you on Twitter this morning as well - so at least we’ll know what each other is up to. Heh.
I’ve actually had a couple people tell me about the 2 minute rule, which I’ve since invoked.
@Kyle: I found out I’m some what of a control freak when I started working for Graphics.net at the beginning of March. I simply wasn’t cool with just having things handed to me. I need to pick the work I do and the people I work with.
Regarding rates - I actually tell people my weekly rate as I don’t book for anything less than 40 hours.
@Paul: I ended up hearing from over 60 people, which was insane to say the least. Unfortunately, I don’t have the time to really go through everyone’s email, so I sent off a canned response to everyone over the weekend. I’ve been working with a few people so far and things are going great. But managing the projects alone takes a lot of time. Granted, less time than doing the work myself.
@Ben: Yeah, I definitely agree that family and whatnot comes first. But the rest really does matter. I don’t want to simply have a job. I enjoy what I’m doing, which is why I put myself through this. It’s just, at times it feels like no matter how much I do, how many hours I put in, it’s never enough.
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Dude, whatever! You need a break, you say you don’t have time - but if you come back fully rested you could be way more effective. You could be running at 60% right now and not even know it! When you feel so tense you can’t even relax that is a SURE sign your over doing it. You’re getting old too which means if you do this for too long it can lead to health issues!
Seriously - come to Ottawa for a weekend, war museum! Then take your wife here - http://www.lenordik.com/ you’ll feel like a million bucks after!
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whoops I meant youre getting *older*
no offence!
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Anxiety sucks no matter what the cause, but it always seems to be tied to motivation and getting shit done. This post made me think of the Suicide Machines’ song “High Anxiety” though.
“Well it’s the high anxiety
I’m a victim of society
high anxiety
I’m a victim of society
high anxiety
it’s my high anxiety getting to the best of me
Sometimes I feel like I’m gonna explode and
when I’m approaching total overload
I know that when I’m having a panic attack
to duck and cover
cuz I can feel it coming”
It’s great that you’re still getting to sleep though. Once you try enough organizational tools I’m sure you’ll find the right mix that works for you.
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@Jeff: Hah, nice! I had that song stuck in my head for the rest of the night after I published this post.
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Dude…it sounds to me as if you need a business partner…or at least a business manager. That way, you can take time to concentrate on the creative things and the partner/manager can concentrate on the business end of things like billing and making sure the monthly bills are paid.
Now that I think of it, why don’t you ask your wife to help with the business stuff? She’s around you all of the time, knows your work habits and knows what you’re deficient in. She can handle the paperwork for you, handle the initial meetings with clients…basically be a liason between you and the client. And this works in her best interest since if you don’t make money, you don’t eat.
Think about it….
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Matt,
Owning your own business can be a very difficult thing to do. We are always working and it is something that generally can’t just be left as a 9-5.
That is the reality we face but the other reality is that most of those 9 to 5 ‘ers would love to be in your shoes.
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